Forgive As You Have Been Forgiven
The other day, while scrolling online, I came across a post in which the writer was explaining her experience from several years ago concerning someone who used to be in her life. It was someone from whom she fled due to the unhealthy relationship they had. She talked about how God brought her out from it and gave her peace. She painted the other person in a harsh light, and while the statements may have been true, it made me wonder about something: had she forgiven this person?
Shortly after reading this post, I prayed for her. I didn’t know the full extent of what went on in her life concerning the individual, but I knew she had been deeply hurt. The more I pondered the situation, the more I wondered whether it could be a sign that she was still working through forgiveness. I hope and pray she has forgiven this person, or soon will, for only God knows and I cannot confirm what I don’t fully know or understand.
One thing I do know: as believers, no matter what we face or how we have been mistreated, we cannot remain in a victim mentality. I say this as much for myself as for any other true Christian. The experiences are real, and no doubt they were hard. The word “hard” may not even fully express how it truly was in some cases. But as Jesus forgave us our endless list of sins, we must in return forgive others. For a believer, there is no room for unforgiveness or holding on to hurt. This is clearly stated by Jesus in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” Colossians 3:12-13 also reiterates how we must forgive as the Lord forgave us: “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”
It's not always easy to forgive. We are fallen creatures with the tendency to be led by our feelings. Emotions cloud our judgment more often than we like or think. And we may have gone through undeniably atrocious incidents. I never want to downplay the seriousness of harmful or abusive situations. They are absolutely wrong and God will judge those who do evil against others in such ways (Romans 14:10-12, Hebrews 4:13, Revelation 20:12-15).
Forgiveness doesn’t mean keeping an abusive person in your life; your safety is of utmost importance. David himself fled while Saul was pursuing him—and Saul wanted to kill him (1 Samuel 19:1-2, 8-18, 20:1, 31-33, 23:6-29, 27:1-4)! David knew he had to separate himself from this man he loved and respected as God’s chosen one (1 Samuel 24:6, 8, 26:9-11, 17). He never retaliated; in fact, on two separate occasions, he had the upper hand yet spared Saul’s life (1 Samuel 24:1-19, 26:1-25). David still viewed him as someone to be respected, while at the same time he cried out to the Lord in some of his Psalms concerning his painful situation (Ps. 18, 54, 57, 59).
Consider Jesus who was perfect in every way, completely sinless: as He was being wronged in the most horrific way possible, crucified on the cross because of the chief priests’ and the scribes’ slanderous and untruthful accusations (Luke 23:13-15), He said these words: “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:33-34). Like David, Jesus did not retaliate against those who wronged Him. But even more so, He gave Himself over willingly, knowing His Father’s will and what He had to do on our behalf (Matthew 26:27-28, 42; 2 Corinthians 5:15). His sacrifice provided the means of salvation, forgiveness, and reconciliation with God for all those who are called and believe (John 3:13-18; Acts 4:10-12; Romans 5:1-11, 8:1-4, 28-30, 10:9-13; 2 Corinthians 5:18-19)!
When we submit someone to the Lord while doing our part to forgive, we are acting in a loving way (Romans 12:9, 14, 17-21; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). And we are to love our enemies. Luke 6 speaks of how we are to act towards those who hate or mistreat us, with such things as “do good…bless…pray…give” and “be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:27-36). The Bible gives no exception for who we are to forgive. While we as humans have varying degrees of how we view sinfulness, God views sin as sin—whether the evil is physical or verbal, major or seemingly small and insignificant (Matthew 12:36). There is forgiveness available for all of these; the only unforgivable sin mentioned is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:31-32).
Whatever grievances we have toward others, we ourselves have sinned (Romans 3:10, 23). Christ never sinned (2 Corinthians 5:21; Hebrews 4:15, 7:22-27; 1 Peter 1:18-19), and still He asked the Father to forgive the ones who were hurting Him. Jesus is our greatest motivation to forgive anyone who sins against us. Following in His footsteps, we can choose to overlook offenses because all of ours have been fully paid for. Every single one (Ephesians 1:3-7, Colossians 1:13-14, 1 John 1:9). Some wounds take longer to heal, but nothing is impossible with God (Job 42:2; Jeremiah 32:17, 27; Matthew 19:26; Mark 10:27; Luke 1:37).